Poke, poke, POCKY!
by prodigus feldspar
Summary: Rukia and Renji eat pocky and start to have an obsession with poking things. And they somehow end up killing Orihime... and lots of other poeple. Better than it sounds. crackfic, slight RenjiXRukia.
1. Renji

By: Prodigus Feldspar

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach…Or pocky… If I did own either of them I would be a millionaire and wouldn't be wasting my time entertaining all y'all with these stupid stories.

Warning: This IS a crack fic! Beware!

Let the madness commence…

000

First victim: Renji Abarai

000

Renji sighed exhaustedly and leaned his back against the giant oak tree he was sitting under.

"Stupid Kisuke," He muttered. Hat and clogs had been ordering him to run errands all day, so he got half the day off.

The red haired man blinked at the summer sun.

He looked around.

_Maybe this is a good place for a nap…_He thought and lay down, closing his eyes.

Unaware of the raven haired girl hiding behind a tree a few feet away.

000

Rukia stared at Renji's sleeping body, a maniacal glint in her eyes.

_My first victim_._ She thought,_ a smirk spreading across her lips.

She kneeled down beside him and pulled something out of one of her pockets…A STICK! (Don't ask how it fit in her pocket.)

She sidled closed to Renji.

_Poke._ She poked him with the stick.

_Poke._

Renji grunted in his sleep

_Poke, Poke!_

Renji's eyes shot open as Rukia began poking him in the face with the stick.

He stared at the girl who was totally absorbed in her poking.

"What the hell?" He said, slightly freaked out.

_Poke, poke._

"Rukia?"

_Poke, poke, poke._

Renji grabbed the stick and snapped it in half, throwing the two pieces of defeated stick away from Rukia.

He closed his eyes again.

Rukia glared at Renji and pulled out of her pocket…A backup stick!

_Poke…poke._

"Rukia…" Renji growled, eyes still shut.

_Poke poke?_

Renji grabbed the backup stick, snapped it in half and threw it.

He closed is eyes, _again._

Rukia pulled out her backup stick's backup stick and began poking Renji's eyebrows with it.

"Funky eyebrows," she muttered.

"Damn it, Rukia!" Renji yelled, standing up.

Rukia began attempting to poke him again.

"What is _wrong_ with you!" He said to the former soul reaper.

Rukia stared at him, her dark purple eyes sparkling.

Renji was _really_ getting freaked out now.

He began backing away.

"GLOMP!" Rukia cried merrily and tackled a very confused Renji.

He stared at the girl on top of him and blushed.

"G-Get off o-of m-me." He stuttered, trying to push the girl off of him.

Rukia paused for a moment and pulled a small box out of one of her pockets. It was red, and had the word "Pocky" written on it.

"Only if you eat this!" she said, half hoping he wouldn't, so she could stay on top of him.

Renji blushed harder, tempted to say "no." But, people were beginning to stare and he didn't want to attract and hollows so he just grabbed the box from her.

Rukia stood up.

So did Renji.

Renji reached in to the box and pulled out a salt-less pretzel-stick dipped in chocolate.

"So I just eat this?"

Rukia nodded her head vigorously.

A vague thought crossed Renji's mind that it could be poison, but why would Rukia poison him anyway?

He swallowed one whole.

It tasted good…_Really_ good. He wanted more.

Renji threw the entire box in his mouth and ate it.

Rukia looked at him expectantly.

"What?" Renji said.

Rukia blinked and randomly yelled, "BOHAHAHAHA!"

All of a sudden Renji felt like he was going to explode, his entire body was shaking with excitement.

At that same moment, Renji realized something…He…Wanted to poke things.

"R-Rukia…What's wrong with me?" Renji asked, afraid he was dying.

Rukia smiled, "You...ARE HYPER!"

"But why do I want to poke things?" Renji asked. (Insert perverted thoughts on the meaning of the word "poke" here. Bwa fa fa!)

Rukia shrugged, "The mystical power of the pocky, I guess…and the bohahahaha thing kinda helps to."

"Well," They both said in unison, "LET'S GO POKE THINGS!"

And the two maniacs set off to wreak havoc on the unsuspecting townspeople

To be continued…

So far, Orihime and Uryu are scheduled for death-I-I-mean poking…yes…poking…

I you would like someone to be poked please comment with their name and I will do my best.


	2. Orihime

By: Prodigus Feldspar

I have nothing to say…Accept I ripped my finger nail and it won't stop bleeding…So much fun…

I felt like having Ichigo be OOC…So yeah…

And there will be some Tatsuki and Uryu bashing later on, I love them both, but their so fun to make fun of!

And…I'm sorry…I love the word bespectacled!

000

Victim two: Orihime Inoue

000

At the park, Ichigo check his watch nervously.

_Where was Orihime? It's been 2 frickin' minutes…Unless…_

"NOOOOO!" He screamed to no one in particular, "SHE DOESN'T LOVE ME!"

Behind a bush Tatsuki and Chizuru watched Ichigo spaz out and writhe on the ground with mild interest.

"So why are you here?" Tatsuki asked the bespectacled girl next to her.

"I'm here to rescue Orihime from that stupid Ichigo of course!" Chizuru said seriously.

Before Tatsuki could reply Chizuru smirked and said, "And why are _you_ here?"

"T-To…uh…Protect Orihime from you!" Tatsuki replied quickly.

"Whatever," Chizuru muttered, still smirking at the jealous spiky-haired girl.

Ichigo was too busy spazzing to hear but they heard a yell in the distance, one that seemed awfully familiar.

000

"ICHIGO!" Orihime yelled as she approached the park they were supposed to meet at. She felt terrible that Ichigo had developed a "clingy streak." And she wasn't on time.

She began sprinting faster, unaware of the fate about to befall her.

000

Rukia and Renji sat behind bushes on either side of the road, each holding an end of a piece of rope.

Rukia nodded to Renji as Orihime appeared on the horizon screaming "ICHIGO!"

They both pulled the rope tight.

As the orange-haired girl ran by she caught her and one the rope and face-planted into the concrete.

"POKE!" Renji and Rukia cried rushing to Orihime.

Rukia pulled a regular stick out of her pocket and began poking Orihime with it, while Renji pulled a stick with a little flag on it that said "Zabi-sama" on it out of his pocket.

Thus the poking commenced…

_Poke, poke, poke, poke, poke!_

Orihime twitched

_Poke, poke!_

_Twitch, twitch._

_Poke._

_Twitch._

"Uhhhh…Is she dead or something?" Renji said, still poking Orihime.

"Who cares?" Rukia replied happily.

Orihime fans all over the world shed a single tear.

000

Tatsuki and Chizuru hid behind a conveniently placed bush and watched as their crush got poked to death.

They both blinked in confusion.

_Why were Rukia Kuchiki and some red haired dude poking Orihime?…Is she even alive?_

After about five minutes Rukia and the red-haired kid left shouting something about poking "Pansy-boy" (coughUryucough)

Tatsuki and Chizuru stared at Orihime's corpse.

She was dead…At least they think so…

Anyway, she was lying in a puddle of blood so that can't be too good now, can it?

Chizuru studied Orihime for a moment then pointed behind Tatsuki and said, "OMG! It's Santa Claus!"

"WHAT!" Tatsuki gasped turning around frantically yelling "I want a pony! I want a pony!"

Chizuru quickly stuffed Orihime into a giant, red, burlap bag (Which she always carries around) and ran away to her "secret lesbian fortress of DOOM" (Which Tatsuki wasn't allowed in because she was too "guy-ish")

Tatsuki turned around, and, mistaking Chizuru for Santa Claus ran after her screaming, "I KNEW IT! YOU _DID_ GET ME A PONY SANTA!"

000

Uryu walked out of his favorite arts and crafts shop-I-I-I Mean-super-awesome-mega-cool-fashion-sense-cape-wearing-quincy-shop! Erm…Yeah…That's what he calls it…

Uh-huh-yep.

Nod-nod.

Anyway, he walked out of the store carrying a plastic bag of sewing equipment, for his anime plushie making debut-Err… Soul reaper killing…stuff…debut…

Unawares of the "Infamous Pocky Duo" aptly named by Rukia, following him…

Wearing Quincy capes! OMG! CLIFF HANGER!

To Be Continued…

Meh.

Please review if you want someone made fun of!

Other wise Yoruichi-kun is up next! Woo!


	3. Announcement

This story has officially been put on hiatus.

I'm sorry!

I've just had too much school work to do, not to mention my writing of, "True confessions of Facs (Family and Consumer Science) kitchen number three."

I will continue this story later, arigatou!


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